A bad dream

I haven't been sleeping very well--well actually sometimes I do, but I sleep very lightly and I wake up frequently.

And so last night when I had a bad dream, it seemed to last all night. The dream was that I was having a miscarriage. It was a bad thing, but I wasn't very emotional. In fact, I remember thinking, oh great, that's Murphy's law, since I spent several hours making room in my closet (and David's) this weekend.

Today, I couldn't quite shake the memory, and I was talking to my friend Louise about it after work.

She didn't know about the two miscarriages between Gabriel and Paloma, one of them at 14 weeks, 2 weeks past the stage of pregnancy I'm in now. And she agreed, it's not something you really ever get over, especially when you have more than one child and you know how precious, how unique each child is from each other one.

So I'm hopeful that this won't be a recurring dream.

And while I'm on the subject, does anyone else think it's a personal question to ask, "Was this planned?" or "Was this a surprise?" I can't believe how many people have said those things to me, especially in front of a group!

David's joke is that he needs Nintendo. My boss's jokes were, "What does this make, 6?" And , "Have y'all figured out what's causing this?"

I am trying to have a sense of humor, but sometimes the totality of the comments gets to me a little.

I realize it's not that common to want more than 2.5 kids, but it's not that weird, is it? I can't think of anything more rewarding than motherhood and parenthood have been. All of the kids are great. There hasn't been one that is "difficult". There haven't been major health issues. Paloma has actually been easier so far than Carmen & Gabriel because of Carmen & Gabriel. They are so helpful with her, mostly in the entertainment department!